The 8-Fold Path Of Laziness

The ideal is to settle into the dharma of perfect laziness. Let all those workers, those achievers, those stiff-necked, pretzel-bodied, introspective enlightenment-worshippers continue their rigorous self-torture. Follow the 8-Fold Path the lazy way. Now nobody says that this will be easy, but it will be enjoyable.

• Get the right view or understanding about things. The 8-Fold Path is part of such a right view. The rest is fairly straightforward. That is, there really is no right view. Abandon the search for a right view and all that this illusory goal entails. Enjoy whatever view suits you, whether complicated or ignorantly simple.
• Channel your thought in the right direction. This amounts to not letting your thoughts get in the way of your enjoyment. Forget the guilt, the worry, all the little details that keep those busibodies running around all day. Let that which really matters come of its own. Now this may require some practice. It is not as easy as it sounds to simply forget everything and enjoy life. As with the right view, the right direction can either be said to be `no direction' or `whatever direction suits you'.
• Figure out the right language and expressions for your path. This may include making other people responsible for their own welfare, directly confronting ascetics who attempt to project their self-discipline upon you, and reclaiming the terms of value which have for so long been abused and slandered. `Lazy' is a good word. It is much better than `productive' or `efficient'. ``I'll do it later'' is a good phrase. It puts things into their proper perspective. `Because I want to' is a good reason. Those Buddha-heads will ask all sorts of questions regarding philosophy, cosmology, psychology, etc. etc. `Because I want to' satisfies the Laze.
• Develop the right action for the moment. Perhaps practice particularly enjoyable activities (such as ice cream consumption or football evaluation) in an attempt to infuse your life with pleasure. The right action will become obvious to you once you let go of your responsibilities, drop that rigid schedule which was drilled into you by our society and just have a good time! The right action? Laziness!!
• Enter the right livelihood. Seek that which demands the least for the most return. What livelihood would you like to enter? What activities do you like to engage? Find an occupation that involves these and work towards enlightenment. That livelihood is right for you which leads to your enjoyment of work. How many times have you been told that you must sacrifice in order to be happy? Counter this, saying: ``I will be happy when and how I wish to, without sacrificing one speck of dust.''
• Perfect the correct amount of effort to achieve those goals which you wish to see through. If this means no effort, so much the better! The goal, then, is to minimize effort on the perfect path to lazy days. When you can swim through the month like a warm pool on a cool summer afternoon then you know you are doing it right!
• Fill your mind with the right things. If it pleases you to think about Zen theory, permeate your mind with it. If you want to think about commercials, pizza and soap operas, really get into them with some friends. Enjoy enjoy enjoy. That is the name of this fold. Leave no room for those servile-thoughts, those guilt-merchant ideas, those unhappy worries that disturb your peace. As with many of the other points here, the `right' focus is the one which brings the most pleasure.
• Concentrate on the right things. This is different than 7) in that while it is enjoyable to fill one's mind with pleasurable things, this does not describe what we shall keep steady focus on. Concentrate on those things which maintain the standards of laziness that you have come to know and love.

Make sure that the details and the particulars of the business which you must engage so as to support your laziness are completed as top priority projects. Find that which lies in the center of your laziness and concentrate on it so as to understand the process of laziness itself. This will enable you to further develop the Lazy Way and settle into the perfect mastery of which only the truly self-centered Lazes are capable.